As many of my female peers are doing at the moment, I’m reading a book by Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg called Lean In. The first chapter asks: What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
My answer? I’d write this blog.
Hello. My name is Meagan Marie, and I’m a person. I’ve decided I’m going to start standing up for myself in order to be more frequently treated like one.
Something transpired at PAX this weekend that was a true eye opener. While hosting a Tomb Raider cosplay gathering, comprised of eight or so incredibly nice and talented young women, a member of the press asked if he could grab a quick interview. I said he’d need to ask them, not me, and they agreed. He squeezed into the group and posed a question. I couldn’t hear what he said over the hubbub of the show floor, but the confused and uncomfortable looks from the ladies indicated that it wasn’t what they expected, to say the least.
I moved in closer and inquired “Excuse me, what did you ask?” with a forced smile on my face, so to give him the benefit of the doubt. He laughed and didn’t respond, moving a few steps away as I repeated the question to the group of women. Turns out he’d probed what it felt like “knowing that none of the men in this room could please them in bed.” Yes, I’m aware it’s a poor adaptation of a gag told by a certain puppet dog with an affinity for insults. Lack of originally doesn’t excuse this behavior, however.
My anger flared upon hearing this, and for a moment I almost let it get the best of me. I attempted to calm myself down before walking towards him and the cameraman, and expressing that it was rude and unprofessional to assume that these young women were comfortable discussing sexual matters on camera. I intended to leave the conversation at that, but his subsequent response escalated matters quickly and clearly illustrated that this ran much deeper than a poor attempt at humor. He proceeded to tell me that “I was one of those oversensitive feminists” and that “the girls were dressing sexy, so they were asking for it.” Yes, he pulled the “cosplay is consent” card.
At this point, as he snaked off into the crowd muttering angrily at me, I was livid. Actually shaking a bit. It was inexcusable in my mind to treat the group of women in this manner, especially when I gathered them there to participate in an official capacity. I suppose I felt protective for this reason. As if I’d exposed them to an undesirable element of the convention. They united to celebrate their fandom, only to have an uncomfortable and unprofessional moment captured on film.
As I stated publicly this weekend, we escalated the issue to PAX and they responded with overwhelming concern and worked to ensure he wouldn’t bother anyone at the this or future PAX events. They handled the situation with flying colors.
But this encounter isn’t the crux of my blog. This blog is about what I came to realize as a result of the press member’s actions. And what I realized is this: When it comes to defending others, I’m fierce. I’m assertive. And I will hold my ground. One of the cosplayers tweeted me to praise my bravery and say they wish they had the courage to stand up too. The truth is my bravery doesn’t run that deep. When it comes to defending myself I’m a rug that is walked over repeatedly. This has to stop.
Similar behavior has been directed at me for years. Back in 2007 at my very first GDC, I was starry-eyed and overwhelmed to be in the midst of so many people I idolized. So when a drunken CEO of a then-startup pointed to my midsection and said “I want to have my babies in there,” I laughed. I did the same next year when another developer told me that he “didn’t recognize me with my clothes on” after meeting me the night prior at a formal event (to which I wore a cocktail dress). The trend continued for years, and I took it silently each and every time.
It got so bad that one of my Game Informer coworkers had to sit me down and convince me to file a complaint against a massive publisher, after one of their PR leads repeatedly commented about how much he “loved my tits” at a party. Each time I laughed it off and internalized my embarrassment, cementing a fixed smile on my face while fighting back tears. Why? Because I was afraid to rock the boat. I was afraid to perpetuate rumors that I was uptight, difficult, or had no sense of humor. I was afraid of what I’d heard being said about other women being said about me. So I would stick up for others, but never for myself. Sticking up for others was the right thing to do. I had to be careful not to stick my neck out too far, though.
I’m ashamed to admit my lack of courage has continued to this day. While on a press tour in Europe late last year I sat alone with an interviewer while he set up his camera. PR was talking to another member of the press just out of earshot. I asked the journalist what his readers would like to know about me first, per the introduction he outlined earlier. He responded nonchalantly, “Well, they’d really like to see you naked.” I was so shocked I didn’t even register what he said, and I defaulted to my uncomfortable chuckle and frozen smile. I conducted the interview as if nothing had happened. I should have walked out of the room then and there. I should have immediately reported it to PR. But I didn’t, because I was afraid.
And while these industry comments hurt the most, as they often do when coming from peers, I’ve got hope for change even if it is motivated by fear. In a social economy where one unprofessional tweet can ruin a career, I feel like the few unsavory industry personalities are becoming more aware of their words. My line in the sand doesn’t end there, though. I’m going to start holding commenters accountable for their actions too, even if I can only do so on my social spaces.
So here is the deal. I’m a person. I’m not just a “girl on the internet.” I am not comfortable with you remarking on my breasts. I am not comfortable with you implying that you’d like to have sex with me. And I don’t appreciate you rating my looks against my girlfriends in candid photos.
While I can’t stop these comments and questions from arising when they pop up on random blogs across the web, I can stand up and say that that I won’t accept being talked to in this manner anymore. I’m not simply going to ignore you; I’m going to call you out and tell you that you’re being inappropriate. Just because I have a public job and an equally public hobby doesn’t give you the right to ignore my comfort zone.
The situation this weekend at PAX made me question why I’m willing to stand up for others, but not myself. By allowing myself to be treated this way I’m perpetuating that this behavior is acceptable. And it isn’t. If I continue stand by silently, I might as well sit on the sidelines and watch while other young women endure what I have.
The treatment and representation of women in gaming has come to a head this past year, and I know some of you are tired of hearing about it. I’m tired of living it. I want to feel safe and valued as a member of this industry, whether I’m conducting an interview, talking to fans on a convention floor, or cosplaying. And I have a right to that.
I’m not afraid anymore. I’m angry.
[For those of you who have been so supportive these past years, both in the industry and out, please know this blog isn’t directed at you. I can’t imagine dedicating my life to anything other than video games. And that’s why I’m going to fight my hardest to leave it a better place.]
I don’t even know where to begin with this post, so I suppose the best place to start is the fact that she is so beyond right. I personally am not one for which being able to stand up for myself comes easily. Nor someone who has ever found a way to sum up my experiences with the sexual harassment of cosplayers or what women in the gaming industry have to deal with the daily. But I feel this post, in it’s entirety, does just that.
The cosplayers that spend so much time and effort on their costuming, women gamers who spend all their time perfecting their skill, and women who are in the industry of gaming and comics get so much frequent sexual harassment. Online and off, in person or online interviews, and even from many who are supposed to be professionals. It’s embarrassing and downright disgusting.
It’s just so backwards to me that we as a culture can’t fully wrap our heads around the fact that women don’t want to hear your sexual fantasies about them. Most women would rather hear you respect them for their craft or skills which is usually the main reason they put themselves out there (at least internet wise) to begin with. I thought our parents were suppose to teach us to respect women or at least about common decency towards other humans. If you wouldn’t say it in front of your mother, grandmother or your sister, you probably shouldn’t say it to someone you don’t know.
I’ve always been nervous about coming off as rude, or disrespectful when and if I stood up for myself. Receiving a bad image for trying to defend myself from harassment. But this whole post has inspired me to stop just awkwardly laughing off the inappropriate comments and I will stand up for myself even if that means calling someone out.
My new Medusa cosplay from nycc this year :3 enjoy? <3 /wig, costume, makeup etc by me ( It’s Raining Neon) photographers : sweet sensation photography and james wu
ok so then it hit me i have like NO normal pictures of myself :|
seriously
people will message me
“HEY DEE WHATCHA LOOK LIKE WITHOUT ALL THAT COSTUME CRAP ON ?” and i’m like,” uhhhh im sure i have a picture in here somewhere………………………………..oh……………………….guess not”
SO! i am a girl on a mission with help of a dear friend of mine Aryn to put together an actual modeling/ street style/ sorta fashion based set of shoots together of “normal” me in some of my favorite places, to put this to rest B|
girl on a mission here (so this picture is the beginning <3!)
ok so i usually keep this off my normal “b.s.” tumblr page but i make rave outfits for conventions/events as funding for all the crazy costumes you see and i thought i’d share a few shots of my work on here for ya’ll to see <3but the reason for the post was because earlier today i had gotten a really nice message from a girl with adorably broken english saying
”Hi, I’m alexis but I wanted to tell niebla say you’re the best I love your dress, you are my idol and I hope in future to be like you are unique! you are my role model I hope you do not mind but I’m doing the gloomy bear costume is yours to love him thanks for reading
and sorry if my english is not good I’m just looking”
and it absolutly blew my mind i love that ive become people’s role model’s to such a degree and that they really love my design work @//@ i’m so incredibly honored <333
for those curious there are other raveoutfits stuff here on my public facebook : also if your interested in a (rave outfits only) commission you can message me on here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-Raining-Neon/227178764017820
would love to recreate this with a photographer friend o3o just gonna throw that one out there
That is all.
LOLOLOLOL That’s messed up xD
Why?
Their boobs are still big, it just means everything else is big as well. Lawls xDD
Yeah but no one cares unless you don’t have the not-fat bod to go with it.
Ew.
An unfortunate point. Most people are not fans of girls with extra weight.
An ACTUAL ‘curvy’ girl is perfectly fine in my book. The kinds with boobs, a butt, and just a bit extra between.
i disagree entirely. I’ve known plenty a “chubby chaser” and many a large woman in my years on this planet and let me tell you, THEY LOVE their tata’s, both sides. The men and women who love larger voluminous women usually LOVE large breasts AND THE BODIES THAT GO WITH THEM TOO, it’s been told at least to me that it’s one of the best parts. Another opinion often heard by skinnier people judging larger woman is that if they don’t have the “rack” they are worthless, or the wrong kind of fat. AND IT DISGUSTS ME. These women like to feel beautiful too and dammit they are ,and have feelings even if you can’t seem to remember that . In many old cultures over weight was beautiful because it meant you could afford to feed yourself or was strong enough to bear healthy children, time have changed yes, and society has curved to teach us thin is the new thing, and if your naturally tiny and healthy good for you , but not everyone is and not everyone is going to starve themselves to become thin nor always willing to eat right and put in the gym time.
If chubby builds do not appeal to your narrow minds or selective tastes i invite you all, conjugally, to keep it to yourselves instead of making a mass majority of women uncomfortable. <3 good day.
(via byndogehk)
seem i’ve been tossin a lot of links at you all lately of the facebook variety but lets face it it’s the hole of the internet we retreat back to eventually (usually only when tumblrs down but still,
This lovely lady (in le picture) is my friend renee who you may have seen bobbin around many a maid cafe at conventions. She absolutely bubbly fun and tho i myself may not scuddle over to the maid cafe often when i do its to see this lady <3 she’s the bee’s knees and more to the point has entered a contest she’d LOVE to have your support on so if you all want to take two seconds to roll over to f.b. land and click like on the link it be a HUGE help —-> http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=336915333024720&set=a.336915299691390.75984.292611954121725&type=1&theater
(she’s SO close sitting currently at 8 out of 50 and even closer to making the next round !!*( ु•⌄• )◞<3◟( •⌄• ू )*) so prease just take a second to make 4 clicks to vote <33333
